No More Folders

I was looking through my filing cabinet the other day and noticed something incredible. When I was first diagnosed with leukemia in Feb 2010, I created a folder called “AML 2010” for all the medical bills and insurance statements that year. AML is for Acute Myeloid Leukemia – the technical name for what I had. That folder is about 2 inches thick and is maxed with all kinds of papers. When I relapsed in 2011, I had to start a new folder. Of course it was called “AML 2011.” It too is about 2 inches thick and can’t hold any more. When I looked down at that place in the filing cabinet, this thought came to me: “Wow, I don’t have an AML 2012 folder!”  A full year without any sign of leukemia. A full year without spending one night in a hospital. Just like that, my AML folder creating task is done.  It’s behind me. Some may say that there is a chance it could come back, and that is true. It’s actually true for all of us that some strange disease could sneak its way into our bodies. And we have very little control over that. But the truth that came out of this discovery is putting the past behind us and pressing on to the new life that has been given us. I love how The Message version reminds me of this in Philippians 3:12-14 –

 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

I’m looking forward to 2013 and not looking back. No more folders! And more space in my filing cabinet.

Amazed by His Love,

 

Terence

Becoming Like Little Children

And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18: 3-4)

Debbie and I were talking about this verse the other night and I asked myself, I wonder what Jesus saw in little children that relates so closely to the kingdom of heaven? What are the characteristics of little children that we should model? After thinking about it for a few minutes, I started listing off characteristics of little children that I admire. Here they are:

 

They wake up every morning with a smile and forget about all the burdens of yesterday

They come back for more love, even when they have been disciplined
They run into your lap when you have been gone for any length of time
They will sit on your lap and let you read for hours to them
They see enjoyment in the simplest of things
They go to bed with peace
They wake up with peace
They receive gifts with the most amazing smile and even a gasp
They go on, even when the world is not fair to them
They trust without questioning

These are just a few of the characteristics I thought of; I’m sure there are many more. There are so many lessons we can learn from little children in relation to our Heavenly Father. Is this what Jesus saw in little children when he asked us to become like them? He thought it so important that He said we would not see the kingdom of heaven unless we became like little children. Don’t we let the world so consume us that there is no “childlike” left in us anymore? We are letting this world steal it away. I think we would fully experience God’s love for us if we really focused on these childlike characteristics. We would wake up every morning with a smile and we would enjoy every day in the quietness of just being with Jesus.

 

Amazed by His Love,

 

Terence

Praying into the Arms of Jesus

I found out this week that a dear friend lost her battle with cancer and went to be with Jesus. Jamie went through transplant with me in April 2011 at the University of Colorado Hospital. She had a very tough journey and spent months in the hospital that year and frequent trips back to the hospital for blood transfusions. The amazing thing about Jamie is I never saw her complain. Even in the hospital on Easter Sunday last year when she was not feeling great, Jamie made candy bags and passed them out to all of us on the 11^th floor who were going through transplant. That was just like Jamie; always giving and making other people feel more important. I heard she did this even during her last weeks of life – passing out flowers to girls at the mall and telling them they were beautiful. Through a friend, I understand her last hours were spent in quiet prayer until she took her last breath; until she slipped into the arms of Jesus. When I heard that, I also thought, “that is so like Jamie.” Jamie worshiped and served our Lord with great passion. I was thinking about how she spent her last hours and this thought hit me: “she prayed herself into the arms of Jesus.” Isn’t that amazing? As she spent her last few hours in quiet prayer, she awoke in the arms of Jesus…in Heaven. It can’t get any better than that. Then I thought, isn’t that what happens when we pray? We end up in the arms of Jesus when we pray. Jamie received the ultimate reward of slipping from this side of praying to Jesus to the world of really being with Jesus. I just can’t imagine what that was like for Jamie. It must have been beautiful, just like the life Jamie led; a beautiful life. This experience also reminded me of a very old hymn titled “Safe in the Arms of Jesus” by Fanny Crosby. The chorus is:

Safe in the arms of Jesus;

Safe on His gentle breast;

There by his love over shaded;

Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Jamie will be greatly missed by her family and so many friends. But I’ll never forget the candy gift she gave me on Easter and I’ll never forget the gift she gave me in how to pray into the arms of Jesus.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Be Jesus to Someone Today

We recently came across a blog site of a woman who died from Stage IV terminal cancer last year. Her last post before she went to be with Jesus in Heaven really meant a lot to me. Knowing that she was near the end, she wrote: You may also pray for my healing, but I have to be honest - I am more mentally and emotionally invested in seeing Jesus right now than I am in being healed. If God chooses to heal me, He'll give me the grace to wait a little longer to meet Him "whom having not seen, [I] love.” (1 Peter 1:8). This was just an amazing perspective for me. In everything she was writing those last days, it was all about seeing Jesus. Although she knew Jesus could heal at any moment, she wasn’t wasting her time so focused on that that she missed everything else. She was preparing to meet Jesus and Jesus was preparing her for a new beginning. Isn’t that the perspective we all should have, even without a terminal disease to motivate us to have that perspective? This perspective of “seeing Jesus” also made me think of a song from long ago that was titled, “Be Jesus to Someone Today.”  I can’t remember the words, but the idea is that for some people, I may be the only “Jesus” they see. What if we lived our lives in such a way that people could experience just a little bit of Jesus so that they would be ready to see all of Him when faced with an end of life experience like this young woman?  I am so far from that. I want to have the perspective of preparing to meet Jesus every day and while I am busy at that (and all of what life has) to be able to show a little of Jesus to someone today.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Overcoming

For several weeks now I have been thinking about a couple verses. One is from John 16:33. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." The other is from Psalm 34:19. "A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all." I can't get these verses out of my mind. I keep asking myself why do I keep seeing verses that talk about us having trouble? I've concluded that it must because we will have trouble. It is easy to be sucked into a sometimes common thought that when you become a Christian, everything will be good. Wouldn't that be nice? Sounds pretty comforting. I'll sign up for that. But it is really not the truth. The truth is, according to these verses, is that trouble is coming our way. Psalm 34:19 goes so far to point out that a "righteous man" may have troubles. So, how can we think that being a Christian excuses us from these troubles?  The greatest truth out of these verses -- our God has overcome these troubles. These troubles are going to be tough and we are not going to like them. But they are not so big that God runs away. He says that he has "overcome the world" and that he "delivers us from them all." Gary Thomas said, "God doesn't protect Christians from their problems -- he helps them walk victoriously through their problems." Now that sounds comforting -- knowing that God has overcome.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Fighting for Marriage

We found out about another Christian marriage falling apart last night.  It hit really close to home, because we attended their wedding and thought what a wonderful couple they were and had no doubt they were going to do things for God.  We have so many friends going through divorce right now at all stages of their lives.  What is going on?  It is troubling, but I can see how a couple could come to that point.  Marriage is hard.

I was thinking I don’t think I have ever heard of a parent divorcing their child (that is what divorce judges are for, because it seems like the biggest issue in divorce is child custody).  Why is that?  Is it because we believe that our children are part of us?  When we marry don’t we become one? (Mark 10:8, “and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.”)   Shouldn’t we love our spouse more than we love our children?  Even if our children do awful things and are rude to us we never quit loving and supporting them.  We may not like what they are doing but we still put up with them. What makes marriage different that we think we can get out of it because it is hard?

Terence (my husband of 25 years) has been without work and also we have gone through his Leukemia treatment and bone marrow transplant.  From experience, it sure would be easier to give up than to keep working at marriage even when it is no fun and very lonely.  When you want to scream and yell and run away you have to decide I don’t have any options, this is where God wants me and am I going to glorify God.  You have to fight and lean into God.

God has to be who we look to for our value, but we also have to work at marriage and not take it for granted.  If we are going to commit to a lifelong marriage why not make it a good one? We have to put our marriage above everything else, but our relationship with God.  Why is that so hard?  I think we take it for granted that we will always have each other, that we are immune to divorce.  It seems to me that when we think we are protected from something that we really are the most liable to fall into that trap.  1 Peter 5:8,  “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”  Satan is our enemy and he wants to break up Godly marriages.  Don’t be deceived.  Look at Solomon in the Old Testament.  Here is the wisest man that lived and his downfall was women.  He thought he was above sinning.

I believe that a woman needs two things daily from her husband and then she can handle anything.  She needs to be shown love and encouragement daily and to pray with her husband daily. You may have heard the statement that a man will tell his wife on their wedding day that he loves her and then he will let her know if that changes.  A woman is different from a man and men need to know that women need to be reminded very often, daily!  From what I have read men need respect even when it is hard for women to give.  Isn’t it difficult for both men and women to give their spouse what they need, it goes against what we understand and often think it is silly, it just doesn’t make since.  I am realizing more and more that marriage is a test of selflessness. Not thinking about what we need, but what our spouse needs to be happy. After all isn’t the purpose of marriage to glorify our Lord as John Piper says in the following quote.

“The ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God’s glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to his redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream. Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant…[We don’t leave our marriages because] Christ will never leave his wife.” – John Piper This Momentary Marriage

Being our best when life is at its worst

I was up at the University of Colorado Hospital today for a monthly check on my blood counts. Everything is good. Also got my 14-month shots so I am getting nearly caught up with Zachary. One nurse said to me, "you know, you are getting the same shots a 14-month old gets because that is really how old your immune system is." Just funny to think about.

While I was sitting there, I noticed all the patients coming and going in the BIC (bone marrow infusion center). Many of them had a medical mask on because they are in the critical months shortly after transplant where they don't have much of an immune system. Most of them look defeated and worn out. It's not a fun place to be and they know they are on a long journey. But one patient had a really great attitude and was telling jokes with the nurses. It made a world of difference for him and in the life of those nurses. His example reminded me of the importance of attitude. When life is at its worst, what will help us be at our best? Well, when life is at its worst, Jesus helps us be at our best. 2 Corinthians 12:10 says "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

The story behind "Amazed by His Love"

The story behind the title of this blog site really came from my first few weeks in the hospital in February 2010. I learned back then that we can especially know his amazing love even when life is at its worst. Reading through the New Testament while in the hospital, I took note of how many times the word “amazed” is mentioned. At one point, I was taking in one of these verses in Mark 2 where Jesus healed a paralyzed man. Verse 12 says, He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!" Those words really stood out to me: This amazed everyone. At that very moment, I was listening to a song “Amazed” by Jared Anderson. The key words of the chorus go like this: “Lord I am amazed by you, Lord I am amazed by you, Lord I am amazed by you, and how you love me.”

It made me think back to when Debbie and I visited our former pastor, Mark Fuller, who now pastors in Grove City, Ohio. Debbie and I were back in Cincinnati for a company Christmas party and decided to go see him on a Sunday. One of the key points I remember Pastor Mark talking about was God’s amazing love. He said, “When you really come to understand how much God loves you, it will totally transform your life.” I have always known God loves me, but not until those first two weeks in the hospital have I ever experienced the overwhelming deepness of his love that moved me to tears. I remember going back to that panoramic view of Pikes Peak and just thanking God for loving me that much. I think Paul gives us a little insight into the concept of God's love in Ephesians 3:14-19:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

You can listen to the song Amazed here

Amazed by His Love,

Terence