Fighting for Marriage

We found out about another Christian marriage falling apart last night.  It hit really close to home, because we attended their wedding and thought what a wonderful couple they were and had no doubt they were going to do things for God.  We have so many friends going through divorce right now at all stages of their lives.  What is going on?  It is troubling, but I can see how a couple could come to that point.  Marriage is hard.

I was thinking I don’t think I have ever heard of a parent divorcing their child (that is what divorce judges are for, because it seems like the biggest issue in divorce is child custody).  Why is that?  Is it because we believe that our children are part of us?  When we marry don’t we become one? (Mark 10:8, “and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.”)   Shouldn’t we love our spouse more than we love our children?  Even if our children do awful things and are rude to us we never quit loving and supporting them.  We may not like what they are doing but we still put up with them. What makes marriage different that we think we can get out of it because it is hard?

Terence (my husband of 25 years) has been without work and also we have gone through his Leukemia treatment and bone marrow transplant.  From experience, it sure would be easier to give up than to keep working at marriage even when it is no fun and very lonely.  When you want to scream and yell and run away you have to decide I don’t have any options, this is where God wants me and am I going to glorify God.  You have to fight and lean into God.

God has to be who we look to for our value, but we also have to work at marriage and not take it for granted.  If we are going to commit to a lifelong marriage why not make it a good one? We have to put our marriage above everything else, but our relationship with God.  Why is that so hard?  I think we take it for granted that we will always have each other, that we are immune to divorce.  It seems to me that when we think we are protected from something that we really are the most liable to fall into that trap.  1 Peter 5:8,  “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”  Satan is our enemy and he wants to break up Godly marriages.  Don’t be deceived.  Look at Solomon in the Old Testament.  Here is the wisest man that lived and his downfall was women.  He thought he was above sinning.

I believe that a woman needs two things daily from her husband and then she can handle anything.  She needs to be shown love and encouragement daily and to pray with her husband daily. You may have heard the statement that a man will tell his wife on their wedding day that he loves her and then he will let her know if that changes.  A woman is different from a man and men need to know that women need to be reminded very often, daily!  From what I have read men need respect even when it is hard for women to give.  Isn’t it difficult for both men and women to give their spouse what they need, it goes against what we understand and often think it is silly, it just doesn’t make since.  I am realizing more and more that marriage is a test of selflessness. Not thinking about what we need, but what our spouse needs to be happy. After all isn’t the purpose of marriage to glorify our Lord as John Piper says in the following quote.

“The ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God’s glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to his redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream. Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant…[We don’t leave our marriages because] Christ will never leave his wife.” – John Piper This Momentary Marriage

Being our best when life is at its worst

I was up at the University of Colorado Hospital today for a monthly check on my blood counts. Everything is good. Also got my 14-month shots so I am getting nearly caught up with Zachary. One nurse said to me, "you know, you are getting the same shots a 14-month old gets because that is really how old your immune system is." Just funny to think about.

While I was sitting there, I noticed all the patients coming and going in the BIC (bone marrow infusion center). Many of them had a medical mask on because they are in the critical months shortly after transplant where they don't have much of an immune system. Most of them look defeated and worn out. It's not a fun place to be and they know they are on a long journey. But one patient had a really great attitude and was telling jokes with the nurses. It made a world of difference for him and in the life of those nurses. His example reminded me of the importance of attitude. When life is at its worst, what will help us be at our best? Well, when life is at its worst, Jesus helps us be at our best. 2 Corinthians 12:10 says "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

The story behind "Amazed by His Love"

The story behind the title of this blog site really came from my first few weeks in the hospital in February 2010. I learned back then that we can especially know his amazing love even when life is at its worst. Reading through the New Testament while in the hospital, I took note of how many times the word “amazed” is mentioned. At one point, I was taking in one of these verses in Mark 2 where Jesus healed a paralyzed man. Verse 12 says, He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!" Those words really stood out to me: This amazed everyone. At that very moment, I was listening to a song “Amazed” by Jared Anderson. The key words of the chorus go like this: “Lord I am amazed by you, Lord I am amazed by you, Lord I am amazed by you, and how you love me.”

It made me think back to when Debbie and I visited our former pastor, Mark Fuller, who now pastors in Grove City, Ohio. Debbie and I were back in Cincinnati for a company Christmas party and decided to go see him on a Sunday. One of the key points I remember Pastor Mark talking about was God’s amazing love. He said, “When you really come to understand how much God loves you, it will totally transform your life.” I have always known God loves me, but not until those first two weeks in the hospital have I ever experienced the overwhelming deepness of his love that moved me to tears. I remember going back to that panoramic view of Pikes Peak and just thanking God for loving me that much. I think Paul gives us a little insight into the concept of God's love in Ephesians 3:14-19:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

You can listen to the song Amazed here

Amazed by His Love,

Terence