We found out about another Christian marriage falling
apart last night. It hit really close to
home, because we attended their wedding and thought what a wonderful couple
they were and had no doubt they were going to do things for God. We have so many friends going through divorce
right now at all stages of their lives.
What is going on? It is
troubling, but I can see how a couple could come to that point. Marriage is hard.
I was thinking I don’t think I have ever heard of a
parent divorcing their child (that is what divorce judges are for, because it
seems like the biggest issue in divorce is child custody). Why is that?
Is it because we believe that our children are part of us? When we marry don’t we become one? (Mark
10:8, “and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but
one.”) Shouldn’t we love our spouse
more than we love our children? Even if
our children do awful things and are rude to us we never quit loving and
supporting them. We may not like what
they are doing but we still put up with them. What makes marriage different
that we think we can get out of it because it is hard?
Terence (my husband of 25 years) has been without work
and also we have gone through his Leukemia treatment and bone marrow
transplant. From experience, it sure
would be easier to give up than to keep working at marriage even when it is no
fun and very lonely. When you want to
scream and yell and run away you have to decide I don’t have any options, this
is where God wants me and am I going to glorify God. You have to fight and lean into God.
God has to be who we look to for our value, but we also
have to work at marriage and not take it for granted. If we are going to commit to a lifelong
marriage why not make it a good one? We have to put our marriage above
everything else, but our relationship with God.
Why is that so hard? I think we
take it for granted that we will always have each other, that we are immune to
divorce. It seems to me that when we
think we are protected from something that we really are the most liable to
fall into that trap. 1 Peter 5:8, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the
devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” Satan is our enemy and he wants to break up
Godly marriages. Don’t be deceived. Look at Solomon in the Old Testament. Here is the wisest man that lived and his
downfall was women. He thought he was
above sinning.
I believe that a woman needs two things daily from her
husband and then she can handle anything.
She needs to be shown love and encouragement daily and to pray with her
husband daily. You may have heard the statement that a man will tell his wife
on their wedding day that he loves her and then he will let her know if that
changes. A woman is different from a man
and men need to know that women need to be reminded very often, daily! From what I have read men need respect even
when it is hard for women to give. Isn’t
it difficult for both men and women to give their spouse what they need, it
goes against what we understand and often think it is silly, it just doesn’t
make since. I am realizing more and more
that marriage is a test of selflessness. Not thinking about what we need, but
what our spouse needs to be happy. After all isn’t the purpose of marriage to glorify
our Lord as John Piper says in the following quote.
“The ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it
exists for God’s glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how:
Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to his redeemed
people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate
purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his
church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why
you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream. Staying married,
therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping
covenant…[We don’t leave our marriages because] Christ will never leave his
wife.” – John Piper This Momentary Marriage
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