Well-Lived

This past weekend I went to a memorial service for a man at church who died on December 1, 2014. The program they passed out had the title, “Celebration of a Life Well-Lived.” For what I heard and learned about Gale during this ceremony, that was such an appropriate title. Inside were words indicating his various roles: beloved husband, much loved Dad, much appreciated Father-in-law, and much enjoyed Grandpa of nine grandchildren. Also inside was a tribute written by Gale’s wife. The last line of her tribute really made an incredible impact on me. She writes, “If you were sitting here next to me on this cold December day, I know what you would say to my grieving heart: ‘Don’t weep for me, because I am with Him, to whom I dedicated my life.’” Wow!

 

This ceremony made me think back to various funerals I have been to in my life. I have been to some very dark funerals where you could see there was deep sadness, anger, bitterness, and lack of hope for a person who was taken from a family. And I have been to plenty where it was a celebration of a life well-lived, like Gale’s. Don’t hear me wrong, even in the ones that were a celebration, there was plenty of grieving, tears, and sadness of missing someone who played such an important role to their family. It’s just that you could see the hope and encouragement in their eyes that this person was now with Jesus.

For me, these memorial or celebration services of a believer gone home have been the most amazing worship experiences. You can feel the amazing closeness of our Savior as he wraps the family in his heavenly arms and comforts them. And you can certainly feel the powerful message of selected worship songs as everyone sings with their eyes set on heaven and our Savior. There seems to be a “wonderment” about what the person is doing right then, sitting at the feet of Jesus. And also a sense around knowing that someday, we too will go home.

The other theme that I left with from Gale’s service is that he did not muster up a life well-lived in the last few years when he was diagnosed with a blood cancer. No, he had lived this way since accepting Jesus into his heart. You could see it in his children’s eyes and hear it in their words. This was how Dad lived all the years they knew him. And the impact it made on them and their own families was very tangible. Even on his grandchildren. Near the end of the service, all nine grandchildren came up and sang the song, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus.” The chorus of that song is so wonderful and appropriate for the celebration we watched:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace.

What a fitting way to end this service. It was an amazing celebration of a great man who was going home. I was wonderfully impacted. I left that service with a prayer on my mind, “Lord, help me live a life well-lived.”

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Following God

The other day I was reading in Joshua Chapter 14 and paused on this verse:

So Hebron has belonged to Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite ever since, because he followed the Lord, the God of Israel, wholeheartedly (Joshua 14: 14)

I focused on this verse for a few minutes and pondered the idea of what it really means to follow God. We can often use those words in our own advice to young believers who are wondering what to do with their life. “Just follow God,” we might say. But what does that look like? In the particular instance of this verse in Joshua, the story is about Caleb. Caleb was one of the 12 spies that went into the Promised Land to see if God was telling the truth. Ten spies came back with a report of gloom—the land was filled with powerful people and fortified cities. Joshua and Caleb came back with an optimistic report—the land was as good as God said it would be and they trusted God to help them take it.

So, what do we take from this story about the concept of following God? It really is about following through with what God has told us to do. That is what Joshua and Caleb did. Through Moses, they heard God’s promise about a land flowing with milk and honey and that the Israelites were to enter into this land. They were so focused on that promise that they didn’t even pay attention to the distractions the other spies observed.

The other part of this verse that made me pause is the word “wholeheartedly.” It is not just about a “robotic” form of following God, it is about following God with your whole heart. Do a search in the bible to find out how many times we are told to “love the Lord your God with all your heart.” There are nine times. Jesus specifically instructs us three times in the New Testament. In Mark 12: 30-31, Jesus answers a teacher who is asking what is the greatest commandment. His response is:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.

In fact, in that verse Jesus gives us the ingredients for following God: Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. That’s it. What if you have never heard God say something so clear as what Joshua and Caleb heard about the promised land? You can certainly take this one verse and find enough instruction in it on following God.

I remember hearing about a missionary who woke up every morning and asked God what he should do. If he had a clear impression during his prayer, that is what he focused on that day. If it wasn’t so clear that day, he went back to Mark 12: 30-31, loved God with his whole heart and loved his neighbor as himself. It’s about follow through and it is about being wholehearted—that is how we follow God.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Hearing Their Story

Isn’t it easy to write some people off? Really, some people come across with a different attitude, behavior, or perspective than you are used to. Or they are just not living up to your expectations. Sometimes it is easy to just ignore and let it pass. Other times it seems to consume you and you end up “labeling” that person. Why is that? Not sure you have been down this road, but I have and it bothered me. I actually had an implied labeling system of a 1 or a 0 that I was using when interacting with people. If they met my expectations, behaved the way I wanted them to behave, worked the way I wanted them to work, they were a “1” in my book. If they didn’t, then they were a “0” and I often moved on.

A colleague at work saw this in me and very graciously coached me to step back and examine my labeling system. Through this process, I came to realize that others have goals, dreams, wants, needs, and desires just like I have. They have a family history. They have a story on their life that causes them to be unique. Their story is very different than mine. The key point that came out of this is that others who are different than me don’t deserve to be labeled with a 0. Could it be that they are somewhere between a 0 and 1, and I am catching them at their low point? And who is a 1 anyway? We all have a broken part of our story that causes us to behave in ways that might be perceived as a shortcoming.

Then I started thinking about my role in finding someone between a 0 and a 1. Labeling them as 0 (or close to it) is not very helpful. And in fact, I may be totally missing what is going on—the deeper story.  I decided to take some time and dig deeper into someone’s story when I was tempted to label them as a 0. What I discovered is that hearing their story gave me such a better perspective on their own wants, needs, and desires. Hearing their story allowed me to see them in such a better way. And it allowed me to see how I could help them on the journey from 0 to 1. You see, we are all on this journey from being a 0 to a 1. Some of us may be further along than others, but that really isn’t the point. The point is how do we encourage one another in our journey and with our story?

The biblical insights to this reinforced what I needed to do. I was taken to Colossians 3: 12-14 that laid out the entire concept of hearing their story:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

And Proverbs 25:11 really taught me the power of encouraging words. I love how The Message version puts it: The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.

Because of this, I no longer label people as 1s or 0s. I really try to hear their story and discover what they are aiming for and what is my role in helping them get there. We all need to hear each other’s stories.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Living to be Unoffendable

Unoffendable – that is an interesting word. Not even sure it is a real word. I looked up the root part of that word, offend, and it means “to irritate, annoy, or anger; cause to feel upset; cause resentful displeasure in.” I am guessing that we all have been offended many times in our life. Lately I have been wondering why it is often so easy for me to be offended. It can be with just about anyone: friends, my wife, children, co-workers. You can feel this level of irritation or frustration with them rising up in your mind. Even this aspect of frustration puzzled me. Why do I get so frustrated with certain issues or people? I came to define frustration as this: “frustration is when my expectations of someone are higher than reality.”  Isn’t that true? You have certain expectation of your boss, your spouse, children, or co-workers. When those expectations are not realized it is easy to get frustrated. And sometimes it can irritate and offend you. We let these feelings rise up and overwhelm us. And then we sometimes react in ways we are not proud of. It is an ugly cycle.

Debbie and I have been reading a lot of Gary Thomas, the author of Sacred Marriage and many other books. Gary wrote a blog on Valentine’s Day that gave me some insight on what is going on in this area of being offended and frustration (http://www.garythomas.com/divine-valentines/). This one line was the key to my understanding: “When my heart is filled with God’s love and acceptance, I’m set free to love instead of worrying about being loved.” Gary’s point is that worship sets us free. It meets our most basic needs. For marriage, he applied this point, “the less I receive from God, the more I demand from my spouse.” You could apply that same formula to every relationship in the family, at work, and at church. Another way to say it is, “the less I receive from God, the more likely that I am going to be offended or frustrated by someone.”

Another perspective on the idea that worship sets us free is John Piper’s statement that “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” It is Piper’s life philosophy, but it is based on 1 Corinthians 10:31, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” How do we become satisfied with God? Through worship and really experiencing how much he loves us. I believe when we really get to the point of understanding how much God loves us, we are less bothered by issues and people around us. We are free to be givers more than demanders. And we also recognize we are all broken and need a savior, and thus the notion that reality of behavior from someone else is not going to equal our expectations. When we are worshiping God and experiencing his deep love for us, our focus is on him. When our focus is on him, the frustrations of this world don’t rise to the level of bothering us.

I haven’t arrived to this level, but I am engaged in the process of getting there. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the season of Lent and preparation before Easter. Most people give up something to help them prepare their focus on what Jesus did for us. That is good. Even better is to receive something that helps us be less “offendable.” Only God can do that. And that can only be done by worshiping Him so we are set free to love instead of being offended.   

Amazed by His Love,

Terence