Living to be Unoffendable

Unoffendable – that is an interesting word. Not even sure it is a real word. I looked up the root part of that word, offend, and it means “to irritate, annoy, or anger; cause to feel upset; cause resentful displeasure in.” I am guessing that we all have been offended many times in our life. Lately I have been wondering why it is often so easy for me to be offended. It can be with just about anyone: friends, my wife, children, co-workers. You can feel this level of irritation or frustration with them rising up in your mind. Even this aspect of frustration puzzled me. Why do I get so frustrated with certain issues or people? I came to define frustration as this: “frustration is when my expectations of someone are higher than reality.”  Isn’t that true? You have certain expectation of your boss, your spouse, children, or co-workers. When those expectations are not realized it is easy to get frustrated. And sometimes it can irritate and offend you. We let these feelings rise up and overwhelm us. And then we sometimes react in ways we are not proud of. It is an ugly cycle.

Debbie and I have been reading a lot of Gary Thomas, the author of Sacred Marriage and many other books. Gary wrote a blog on Valentine’s Day that gave me some insight on what is going on in this area of being offended and frustration (http://www.garythomas.com/divine-valentines/). This one line was the key to my understanding: “When my heart is filled with God’s love and acceptance, I’m set free to love instead of worrying about being loved.” Gary’s point is that worship sets us free. It meets our most basic needs. For marriage, he applied this point, “the less I receive from God, the more I demand from my spouse.” You could apply that same formula to every relationship in the family, at work, and at church. Another way to say it is, “the less I receive from God, the more likely that I am going to be offended or frustrated by someone.”

Another perspective on the idea that worship sets us free is John Piper’s statement that “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” It is Piper’s life philosophy, but it is based on 1 Corinthians 10:31, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” How do we become satisfied with God? Through worship and really experiencing how much he loves us. I believe when we really get to the point of understanding how much God loves us, we are less bothered by issues and people around us. We are free to be givers more than demanders. And we also recognize we are all broken and need a savior, and thus the notion that reality of behavior from someone else is not going to equal our expectations. When we are worshiping God and experiencing his deep love for us, our focus is on him. When our focus is on him, the frustrations of this world don’t rise to the level of bothering us.

I haven’t arrived to this level, but I am engaged in the process of getting there. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the season of Lent and preparation before Easter. Most people give up something to help them prepare their focus on what Jesus did for us. That is good. Even better is to receive something that helps us be less “offendable.” Only God can do that. And that can only be done by worshiping Him so we are set free to love instead of being offended.   

Amazed by His Love,

Terence