Hearing Their Story

Isn’t it easy to write some people off? Really, some people come across with a different attitude, behavior, or perspective than you are used to. Or they are just not living up to your expectations. Sometimes it is easy to just ignore and let it pass. Other times it seems to consume you and you end up “labeling” that person. Why is that? Not sure you have been down this road, but I have and it bothered me. I actually had an implied labeling system of a 1 or a 0 that I was using when interacting with people. If they met my expectations, behaved the way I wanted them to behave, worked the way I wanted them to work, they were a “1” in my book. If they didn’t, then they were a “0” and I often moved on.

A colleague at work saw this in me and very graciously coached me to step back and examine my labeling system. Through this process, I came to realize that others have goals, dreams, wants, needs, and desires just like I have. They have a family history. They have a story on their life that causes them to be unique. Their story is very different than mine. The key point that came out of this is that others who are different than me don’t deserve to be labeled with a 0. Could it be that they are somewhere between a 0 and 1, and I am catching them at their low point? And who is a 1 anyway? We all have a broken part of our story that causes us to behave in ways that might be perceived as a shortcoming.

Then I started thinking about my role in finding someone between a 0 and a 1. Labeling them as 0 (or close to it) is not very helpful. And in fact, I may be totally missing what is going on—the deeper story.  I decided to take some time and dig deeper into someone’s story when I was tempted to label them as a 0. What I discovered is that hearing their story gave me such a better perspective on their own wants, needs, and desires. Hearing their story allowed me to see them in such a better way. And it allowed me to see how I could help them on the journey from 0 to 1. You see, we are all on this journey from being a 0 to a 1. Some of us may be further along than others, but that really isn’t the point. The point is how do we encourage one another in our journey and with our story?

The biblical insights to this reinforced what I needed to do. I was taken to Colossians 3: 12-14 that laid out the entire concept of hearing their story:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

And Proverbs 25:11 really taught me the power of encouraging words. I love how The Message version puts it: The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.

Because of this, I no longer label people as 1s or 0s. I really try to hear their story and discover what they are aiming for and what is my role in helping them get there. We all need to hear each other’s stories.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence