Six Years Ago

Six years ago on this date, February 19, 2010, Terence had a test that changed our whole family’s lives. Terence hadn’t been feeling very well and the doctor at the Air Force Academy clinic had ordered some blood work.  The numbers came back odd so the doctor said he would like to have a blood doctor look at him, a Hematologist. We didn’t think anything of it. None of us had ever been very sick, so Terence went on his own that Friday. After another blood test, the doctor decided he should do a bone marrow biopsy.  The doctor still wasn’t concerned, but said he would do one just to be sure and he could fit Terence in during his lunch break.  Terence called me and I decided I should probably be there when they did the biopsy, so I met Terence at the doctor’s office.  When the nurse called Terence back we decided I would go in with him.  It was much worse than I imagined and I ended up going to stand outside the door so I wouldn’t pass out. The doctor said it could be a few days before we would hear anything, so we went home and really didn’t think too much about it. The next afternoon, February 20 (Saturday), I remember Terence, Jennifer, Brian and I were watching the winter Olympics on TV and Terence got a phone call.  It was the doctor on call for the clinic that Terence had went to.  Terence took the call upstairs and after talking a couple minutes he called me upstairs with him.  Our life changed in that minute. The doctor said that Terence had Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) and he needed to be in the hospital on Monday for about a 30-day treatment.  I remember all four of us being in shock and praying together.  Zachary was only three at the time, so he was still napping.

In the moment I kept thinking why us? What did we do to deserve this disruption to all of our lives? Because all of our lives did change.  My parents moved into our house to help keep us going during that time since I was at the hospital every day and Zachary needed care. During this initial time in the hospital, so many people made us meals and helped us in many ways. Still it is easy to feel so alone, but we knew that God was with us. The company that Terence works for, Tier1 Performance Solutions, have been like a family to us and supported all of us during this very difficult journey. Terence was in the hospital in Colorado Springs for 30 days to start that first treatment in February 2010. He would have four more week-long treatments in the hospital that year. After completing all the treatments in September 2010, we were told he was in remission.  Terence had really grown spiritually through everything and he knew God loved him more than he had realized before. Jennifer graduated from college and Brian from High School that May. We were so thankful that Terence was well enough to be involved in all the graduation activities. Brian entered the Air Force Academy in June and Jennifer started teaching 8^th grade English in the fall.  In October Terence felt better and he and I went on a cruise to have some time to recover from this journey together. We moved on with our lives, because we were told Terence had a very treatable form of AML and he was cured.

In February 2011, at a routine blood check for Terence, we found out that the AML had come back.  It was so hard to believe because this time Terence felt really good—they had caught the leukemia much earlier.  The only treatment option for a re-lapse of AML was a bone marrow transplant.  We met with a specialist in Denver and were told that the treatment had a 50/50 chance of being successful, but decided to move ahead.  Terence’s sister, Bonita, ended up being a perfect match, which is a miracle because finding a match even in a sibling has only a 20 percent chance. The bone marrow transplant doctor in Denver told us we would need to relocate close to the hospital in Denver since we lived more than 30 miles away, so we went through the process of finding a place to live and moving up to Denver.  Terence and I had talked and each of us had one thing that we felt we needed to make it through this next round of treatments.  Terence wanted me to still be able to visit him frequently and I didn’t want to have to leave Zachary in Colorado Springs, so my parents moved with us to Denver to be able to help with him once again.  Jennifer and Brian were both now established in their lives, so we were only able to see them when they could work it out. As a mother I knew they were both adults and they would be fine on their own, but I also felt God was asking me to once again give both Jennifer and Brian to God’s care and trust Him to work in their lives.  I had to believe that He loves them both more than I ever could.  We moved to Denver the first of April 2011 after Terence had had more chemotherapy in Colorado Springs to prepare him for the bone marrow transplant. I remember the day before the transplant was to take place in Denver, it was beautiful outside and Terence was really struggling with why he had to go through all of this when he seemed to feel fine.  Zachary was not going to be able to see Terence for 30 days during transplant. Children were not allowed on the bone marrow transplant floor. Before transplant, Terence wrote in his journal and prayed that he would live to see Brian graduate from the AF Academy and to walk Jennifer down the aisle someday. This second time around God helped me realize how much I needed Him and He gave me such amazing peace. I remember the very anticlimactic moment on the evening Terence received the transplant, April 11^th, when the bag of bone marrow was delivered to Terence’s room from his sister, Bonita.  It was very late in the evening after there had been some difficulty collecting the blood from Bonita. It had been very hard on her, and she had sacrificed so much for her brother to save his life.  The doctors were amazed how well Terence did given the circumstances and Terence ended up being released on my birthday, April 29^th. After a few setbacks, once again Terence was given a very confident report that he had come through miraculously and he could go on with his life.

During the time we were in Denver, Jennifer met an amazing young man, Andrew Lee, through a series of miracles. Once again God answered prayer and Terence got to walk her down the aisle on May 5, 2012. Terence and I celebrated our 25^th wedding anniversary on May 30, 2012 in Maui, HI.  Brian graduated from the AF Academy on May 28, 2014 and then married a wonderful young lady, Kaitlyn Weber, three days later on May 31^st.  Zachary was growing up and continued to be a wonderful joy to our lives. Caleb Philip Lee, our first grandchild, was born on November 11, 2013 and added so much excitement for all of us. Our life once again was back to normal. 

In April of 2015, Terence elected to have minimally invasive back surgery after about 6 months of dealing with pain and numbness in his left leg.  He also noticed a spot that had swelled up on the right side on his face and the ER doctor said it was probably a bug bite, so we didn’t think anything of it.  On the way to a follow-up appointment with Terence’s back surgeon at the end of June, Terence got light headed and just about fainted in the parking lot walking in to see the doctor (he had just driven to Boulder from Colorado Springs). We told the doctor what had just happened and she said Terence’s back looked great and shouldn’t be causing him to feel this way. Right away she determined something else was going on and she wanted us to head immediately back to Colorado Springs to get an MRI and she didn’t want Terence to drive.  We got something for lunch and Terence just about fainted again while standing in line for our food.  By the time we got to Terence’s doctor’s office in Colorado Springs it was too late for them to fit in an MRI and they called ahead to a local ER to get the MRI done.  When the ER doctor came in with the result of the MRI we knew something wasn’t right.  She said that Terence had a massive tumor on the right side of his brain that was causing the swelled spot on the right side of his face.  She said it looked like a Meningioma, a benign brain tumor. We went to a neurosurgeon in Colorado Springs a few days later and the doctor said that because of the location of the tumor, Terence would need a more specialized surgeon and recommended that we go to a neurosurgeon in Denver.  On July 29^, 2015 Terence had brain surgery.  Jennifer, Brian, my parents, and I waited that day for what seemed very long—a 9-hour surgery. The nurse called when the surgery was done and that the doctor would like to talk with us.  When we met with the doctor he said he had gotten as much of the tumor as he could, but that it didn’t look like a typical Meningioma tumor and we would have to wait for the results from pathology. It took much longer than the doctors expected, but a few days later when the results came back they had found that leukemia had crossed the blood-brain barrier and had come back. The tumor was leukemia and they had found leukemia in the spinal fluid as well.  The doctors said this was a very rare type of leukemia re-lapse in the form of a tumor. The team of doctors put a plan into action and Terence began radiation and chemotherapy to eliminate the rest of the tumor that could not be done surgically. Terence also had spinal taps where they inserted chemotherapy to eliminate the leukemia found in his spinal fluid. Near the end of the treatment plan, Terence had a severe reaction and ended up in ICU.  Even in the midst of Terence’s recovery God blessed our family with a second grandchild, Eleanor Lynn Lee on September 7, 2015.  It was so wonderful to experience such an amazing gift from God in the midst of a very difficult time. Terence’s recovery has been very long and challenging this time.  We don’t know what will happen next.  Sometimes it is hard to dream again because we don’t know if our journey through leukemia is forever over.

Once we found out about leukemia coming back in Terence’s brain we have really felt that this third round of cancer was not only for our spiritual growth, but for those around us. This time has been much more difficult on Zachary.  It is hard to understand why he should have to deal with such big issues at a young age.  I’ve prayed that he will not be bitter with God, but see God through all that is going on.   During the days of Terence’s recovery and treatments this last year I have spent a lot of time reading the book of Psalms.  I wanted to find a way to praise even when things were hard and David writes a lot about that in the book of Psalms. Each time the leukemia has come back it has been progressively more serious and has caused us to have to lean into God even more.  I was listening to a talk that the late Elizabeth Elliot gave today in which she talks about suffering.  Hebrews 5:8 says, “Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered.” This verse is talking about Jesus and that he had to suffer to learn obedience. Mrs. Elliot says, “In the gift of suffering God gives himself to me.”  She also said, “When we don’t understand just bow before a mysterious God.”  This may not make sense why we would have to suffer, but I know that when life doesn’t throw as many hard things in my path, it is easy to grow self-centered and think I don’t need to rely on God as much as I should. In the midst of the worse days watching Terence suffer, I discovered a real presence of God and that he gave me such an amazing peace? “In Acceptance Lieth Peace.” 

In reflecting over the last six years I can look back and say, “Why not us?” God wants to give our family a special gift, if we choose to accept it.  He has given us the chance to get to know His amazing love and care in a very real way. I have a yearning for Him like I’ve never known in all the years before 2010. I know that heaven is real and happiness is only forever in heaven.

Terence is traveling for business this week and will be home tomorrow morning. It is amazing to see him be able to do that again even if he isn’t all the way back to 100%.  After all he has been through I know that it is a miracle he is able to do his job again.  During the bone marrow transplant we read the book of Job and even now I pray Job 42:12 for Terence, “the Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.” I’m looking forward to what God has for us even if the blessings don’t look like what I would think best.  I have faith to know that “God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6).